


ask me what i'm thinking about

by bonrin



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Character Study, Daddy Issues, Gen, Metafiction, alcohol mention, fuck manga timelines we write without concept of them like men, what the fuck else do i tag this as.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 19:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19046461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonrin/pseuds/bonrin
Summary: Thinking about your life is hard when you're a busy teenager that's an Exorcist-in-training with a lot going on and mixed feelings about your dad.





	ask me what i'm thinking about

Ryuuji… really didn't want to say that he hated his dad.

He just felt like he did sometimes.

He was beyond tired of the shit his dad pulled. The alcohol, the cheating on his mom, disappearing for days, keeping secrets. It made Ryuuji angry beyond belief.

Yet he couldn't get himself to _hate him_ because that was the man he looked up to for his entire life up until middle school. This man was one of the reasons he wanted to become an Exorcist; his habits that lead up to him not doing his job as the High Priest made Ryuuji want to grow up and be in his place, doing it better.

Yet that was the reason he was angry at him.

When the Exwire class had the mission at Kyoto, and when Okumura told Ryuuji he should apologize to his dad for saying that he wasn’t _really_ his dad before he regrets it, he was mad at first.

Then he realized Okumura was kind of right. He realized he was angry at his dad, and a part of him wished he would just get out of his life; but another part of him wanted him to stay to watch and see if he would get any better.

His mind was truly hell.

 

One day while at Lightning’s place, he was cleaning while the man slept on the couch. Ryuuji stopped sweeping for a moment and looked at his master. He looked... peaceful there.

The teen’s mind wandered, and for a second, he looked at Lightning like a dad.

And immediately, he thought, _“What the fuck?”_

He hated himself for thinking of Lightning like that. This was a grown man that had to be taken care of because he took baths every four days and smelled like a raccoon, so _why_ did Ryuuji’s brain have to do that? Why did he have to look at this man _so similar_ to his biological dad like a father figure?

He had too much going on for all of this. Too much. He already felt like his ambition for becoming an Exorcist wouldn't work anymore.

He didn’t think he’d be able to get it out of his brain, though.

**Author's Note:**

> all i can really write nowadays are really short things and theyre always about bon
> 
> my tumblr is [@transryuuji](https://transryuuji.tumblr.com/)!


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